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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

7:26PM - What was and what is

I remember when I used to write in this all the time. And the same circle of friends always answered in echoes. On occasion I'll check my old MySpace page, just to remind myself of what was. I am continually amused to find the pages of friends completely preserved--and months, if not years old. It's funny how all of us  in this "digital age" have built up these alter egos spread across multiple servers in different parts of the country. It's not a unique concept, I know. I don't claim to have discovered something new. But how striking it is to come across your old self, your old rants, the things you cared about. And it's entertaining to see what has and hasn't changed. I still whine, just not as openly. I still sing the praises of others, I still write poetry. But for once, my poetry seems to be improving; I am continually forced to pay attention to detail. On LiveJournal or any place else, there are few critics if any. In the end, maybe it will matter, maybe it won't. But it's good now and again to sit back and recall.

Fortunately, at the moment I have no rants to post. Well, not yet ;-). I imagine some will arrive in due course, but I'm not waiting anxiously. For now it is alternate pleasure and pain, as life generally is, but I see no reason to write at length about it.

I suppose that's all for now.

Current mood: thoughtful

Sunday, August 31, 2008

10:18PM - Friday, August 29 through Sunday, August 31 = amazing Tuesday Sept 2, Add/Drop Begins

Well, here it comes...

Current mood: I don't know
Current music: Nothing yet

Saturday, May 17, 2008

8:34PM - Out of the Hall We Went, And Into Another Hall

All is finalized, all is done, they shoved us out of the hall
Good bye, dear Chargers, the Galvanic cell's run dry and reduced
I shall miss you all and the ruses that were pulled like wool o'er
My eyes to lead me into that emphatic bliss, those bright stars

Return I shall of experiences new, and old shall I
Recall with a fondness I had not in many times prior
We will be better friends without the pressure, yet with sadness
For never to our former days may we ever return

McClintock is not dead in my heart, nor in the soul that follows it
'Tis held in reserve like some fantastical timepiece, shining with wit

Current mood: nostalgic
Current music: Mother -- Pink Floyd, The Wall

Friday, March 14, 2008

11:31PM - A quote I found to ring true somehow

"Nobody truly has self-confidence, and those who do are kidding themselves. It is not that we lack confidence, but that confidence
lacks us."

Friday, January 4, 2008

3:18PM - The metaphysics of a ball of yarn

I sit here and smile
Remembering who you used to be
Your altruism made the world look vain
But sometimes I think you were just a dream
For the image is dead to me now

You sit there smiling
At all that you keep
No activism there
Just a dark requiem to a waking shell
The death walks within
As your phony flags wave above
And your angry fire bleaches the skin

Remember the radiance you once possessed
For the disenfranchised dig graves early and often

Current mood: nostalgic

Thursday, October 25, 2007

9:54PM - I wish I knew what it felt like to really KNOW somebody

The title says it all. Now don't get me wrong. I have some of the most amazing friends ever. And don't get me wrong; I'm used to rejection. I'm used to feeling weird or confused or loved or hurt. I have family and friends who care about me; I've had people stab me in the back; I've had crushes reject me. And no, drama isn't all there is to my life. To the cynics in the audience: You've GOT to believe I'm an interesting person. And if you've ever talked to me, you know it's true. I guess the best way to phrase it is that I'm sick of bullshit and I get bored and I hate ignorance. In a nutshell.

When I say "really KNOW" a person...I'm not even really sure what I mean. It's one of those things where you have a feeling. You don't know where it goes...where it leads. Sort of like saying, "This is a bowl of fruit" or "That person is an enabler" or "I'm being a complete jerk today" or whatever. Half the time you can't substantiate your claims, but you know they're true based on empirical evidence, a gut feeling, a reaction. I want to be right. Not merely correct in my decisions or predictions, but I want them to carry through. I don't ask for utopia, but I ask for what I've asked for time and again and always had just out of reach. I ask for a thing I cannot define.

Topology of mental states.

Current mood: ish

Saturday, October 20, 2007

8:52AM

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
and then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load

Or does it explode?

--Langston Hughes

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

4:55PM - Tried.

Failed.
Maybe.
Whatever.

Current mood: resigned

Sunday, September 30, 2007

2:11PM

The tour approached the monolith out in the middle of nowhere
Wind blowing
That crushing noise
Engraved was one line only
"I love you"
To this day, none of the customers truly knows what it means
Nor will they ever
And so they live dubiously

Current mood: philosophical
Current music: Under Pressure -- Queen

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

9:28PM - And then there was light.

Heavenly sins rain down upon the earth as the master chemist, no the alchemist, peddles his now leaden, now Golden, death wish for all to receive who might be so inclined.
That bitter elixir which makes one smile so brightly as he tastes it on the tip of his tongue.
Waiting for his doom to come.
And yet realizing that doom has not, and may never arrive, and that he has manufactured much of his lonely Suffering.

Great is a curious mind, even when it flies against the grain.
Hypocrisy is written on the walls of the "silent majority".
Those nay-sayers don't understand half the rot they spew.
Show me the curious, delicate mind, so that I may embrace it.
It calls to me in the way books do.
A world unknown to be entered by those who want more than they get in other venues.

A deep love for these things.
A bitter pill turnéd sweet by the malice of brilliant crimes.

Current mood: cheerful
Current music: none

Friday, September 7, 2007

11:07PM - Bullshit, More Shit, Piles higher and Deeper...

Well, not yet, thankfully ^^ I concurr with Nabila's assessment of this year...oddly disconnected and yet exciting. Very weird but fun. And yet, are we kidding ourselves? The year's barely started. *shrug* I think the future holds something very bright and beautiful and amazing. What that is we all have yet to discover, but it is waiting for all of us. May we all use this year to better understand ourselves, understand our friends, our flaws. To pursue the unknown...

Current mood: thoughtful
Current music: "A Message" -- Coldplay

Monday, August 27, 2007

6:15PM - Ranking Machine

Oh, darling ranking machine
How we praise thee so, as applications go rancid in the mail
Schoolhouse turns to marketplace, lest the economy be doomed to fail
Don't let Britain get ahead
Don't let France get ahead
Don't let China get ahead
So cram it down the throats of the top ten percent
Never mind the lack of funding for education
Or the poverty-stricken millions
Because I want my copy of U.S. News and World Report, damn it!

Current mood: happy
Current music: The Amazing Journey--The Who

Thursday, August 23, 2007

10:18PM

Loss for words, denial of trust.
Dimensionless numbers, stoichiometric rust
Not particle, not a wave, not a cat in a cage
Can adequately model the function of my being
Or lack of it, if form be my essence

Open the box and what do you find?
The mess that hydrocyanic acid left behind
So says Erwin, dear friends of all
Who treasure the quantum abyss into which we must fall
Denial of trust, but no one to blame
After all we've found out, nothing stays the same

Love is an insane, combinatorial thing
It's not about algebra, with groups, axioms, or rings
Although Hilbert spaces might somehow get involved
The random actions of everyone would leave Descartes appalled
So certain was he of how it ought to be
That he couldn't speculate about social uncertainty

Current mood: creative

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

5:12PM

Psi functions are beautiful things.
Like the wave equation.
Pardon me, The Wave Equation.
There really is only one...one worth mentioning right now anyway.
Accurate description of your personality?
If only.

Don't bite the thumb that looks your way
You may find yourself floating home
We might not be in Kansas anymore, but at least it's pretty
But tell me, what is "pretty"?
And who gives a crap?
You can define pretty your way and wait for people to accept it
You can win the game or lose or choose not to play
Just make sure you, at some point, figure out how to do it all your way

The good part about all this is that there is no formula
Not for success, not for who you are
But there is no one who will tell you how to do it
It is something you alone can realize
And the sooner you do, the better

Current music: Wake Up-- RATM

Monday, August 6, 2007

10:39PM - If only...

...I could articulate how I feel.

10:06PM

Well I suppose it's worth it to write about my first day of my senior year. I think there's not much to tell, except that I was very very glad to see everyone. Some people I had already seen yesterday, but no matter. There was still some novelty left. ^^ Chemistry is going to be difficult, but a lot of fun. Art History has caught a snag due to some form I have to fill out, but that should be fine in the end. Health is awful, but I'll grin and bear it. I love my two math classes also, and English is absolutely amazing. Not much more to report...oh wait! First hour is a release *dances* so that's good. But generally the day went well. Hopefully, I'll get more sleep tonight than I did last night. That would be fabulous.

Current mood: exhausted

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

10:38PM - Tanglewood! and stuff

Hey all! I'm in Boston. Yay! and on Saturday, I go to New Hampshire. Sadly, however, I also have chemistry and summer reading to finish >< Alas, no rest for the wicked...

Current mood: crazy

Monday, July 23, 2007

8:08PM - I'm back, sort of

I'm back, except that I'm going to Boston tomorrow. So I guess I'll see everyone when school *shudder* starts. ^^ Two more weeks still though. That's the good part of all this.

Current mood: cheerful

Monday, July 9, 2007

9:51PM

Eight hours til Italia! well, more than that, but you get the idea.

Current mood: yay!!!!!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

3:48PM - I post this blank entry in protest.




















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